More meanderings...

For the Lord’s relentless pursuit of me this year, for Him loving me more when I asked Him to love me less. . . for this I am thankful.  So much is becoming so clear.  The reasons that I have had to walk through frustration, loss, discomfort, and tears this year.  All because He has been pursuing me, and cannot let me live “acts of love”, but not experience His real and furious love for myself.  His love is unrelenting, and His passion for my heart, and to be with me is unfathomable.  He did not save me so that He could just use me up.  To make me a slave and drain me of my energy and life. He came to give me life to the fullest. I am only now beginning to see where that life even begins.

 I was watching “Furious Love” last night, and I realized how often I “poo poo” the gifts that God has given me.  He says, “I have given you “this” as a means of enjoying Me. and having life abundantly.”  Yet somehow I turn and look and find something else that I like more, that I prefer.  I look at my creator, my Father, the Lover of my Soul, and I say, “But I wanted that!”  How many times have I wounded the heart of God because I want what I want.  Because instead of taking what He has given me and working out of those gifts and strengths, I pout over my “lot” wishing for more.  Wasted time.  Wasted wishes.  

It is a beautiful thing to accept what God has given, and to begin to see those gifts for what they are. . . gifts.  To see that because of these gifts we can have a higher propensity towards enjoying God, and this life He has bestowed.  Especially the gift of the Holy Spirit.  The God of the Universe’s Spirit indwells me.  The kind of power that conquered death, and loves with no restraint.  The One who is teaching me to love with no boundaries.  The One Who says, “Seek me first, and all that you are searching for will be added unto you.”  How simple He’s made it, and how complicated I make it.  The key to life and peace is right inside of me and I push it aside and say, “But there must be more, I am missing something!”  Why as humans are the things we need the most right in front of us, and we look right past them?  

For this I am glad that God has loved me more than I have loved myself.  That for every time I tear my hand from His, He keeps His hand open waiting for me to take it again.  What patience.  What love.  That I am my Beloved’s and He is mine.  That I never have to wonder or doubt that fact.  I can take His love to the world, and watch the most powerful influence in this world change others too.  It’s a powerful notion, that thought that Romans, Jews, sinners, did not nail Jesus to the cross.  His love did.  LOVE saved the world.  Love saved me.

His love will always be enough, and yet I will never be able to get enough.  This love is what the world needs, it is what it thirsts for, and thirst will not be denied.  So we look for it in all the wrong places, and wonder why we still thirst.  I for one do not want to be the one that denies anyone a drink.  I want Him to fill me up, overflow, and spill onto others around me.  Always staying close to the ONLY One that can fill me up again, and will never let me run dry.  So I can say to others, “Drink on, friends, He can fill your dry, empty wells too.”