My Portion

“Jesus is my portion and a constant friend I know. . .” These words have been hauntingly beautiful to me for the past few days.  They pierced my selfish heart with a beautiful pain for several reasons.   In Morocco the sparrow’s cousin, the African Swift, flies high above every roof top.  They are beautiful in their air acrobatics and their beautiful flight patterns. I used to sit for hours on my roof watching these beautiful creatures and their agility.  Thinking about how common and small they are and yet how much I had to learn from them

In Morocco God was revealing so much to me about my worth to Him.  How He knows every swift, and every human heart.  Even though there are only about a “kajillion” people and swifts on planet Earth.  Speaking to me about how I am just one among many, and yet I am known.  Reminding me that His eye is ever upon me.  Every move I make He acknowledges, He SEES me.  I am known by the creator of the universe.  How could I not “sing because I’m happy” as the rest of the song says?  

When I left Morocco, I felt like the Lord was telling me, “I am going to teach you to fly like one of these swifts.”  I have spent many a day wondering what He meant by those words.  I thought for awhile that perhaps it had something to do with what I would be doing from that point on in my life.  I feel now though that it is a different kind of soaring.  An ability to always be near to Him even in the valleys of life.  Those deep, desperate, needy places that we spend so much of our lives kneeling upon.  That flying meant to always be able to soar and sing despite the valleys of life.   

This flight being fueled by the knowledge that. “Jesus is my portion and a constant friend I know.”  I meditate on this fact.  “Jesus is my portion.”  I think about my selfish heart and it’s unsatisfied nature.  How I always want the “bigger” piece.  Like small siblings fighting over who gets the bigger half.  I know I used to pout when I didn’t get to choose and the other half of the cookie looked so much bigger than what I was receiving.  

But seriously, how much I always want more.  It’s a human desire, part of that whole wanting to be a “demi-god” that we all struggle with I guess.  But when I think about Jesus as my portion... my mind cannot process this concept.  It just can’t.  He is the newest, largest, best, portion of anything.  When I have Him, I have everything. Everything.  So why would I not be able to soar? To rise above every circumstance, feeling, need, and be with my Beloved? The One that my heart desires most?  I am slowly fashioning that key.  The key that is fashioned from a grateful heart.   The simple and yet profound reality of having Jesus in my life.  My portion. Oh, how forgetful I am.  I have all I need, all I want, including wings. :)